I am touched by the chance to share more than six years of my heart’s sojourn poured into more than 400 poems on this site. It became a place to write when I felt stirred and motioned by feelings and words that unraveled themselves into words that poured from my heart. I did not expect to be found or read. The internet was like an unknown universe. Now it feels like a vulnerable risk and I always want to make the page private. I do take it off periodically. The early works reflect candor in my search; I often just poured onto the pages as I lived-in my relationship to self, other and the earnest desire to Know God.
My story is similar to everyone in that we are all on a journey home to our Creator; The One that fathomed and formed us in the Womb – conceived us in Spirit before Time began. We are known by a Loving and Miraculous God that seeks us directly; each one of us. How the story ends is up to us. Will we respond to God’s Calling.
John 15:16 – Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and [that] your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.
Our outer lives may seem different; background, ethnicity, culture…but Our Hearts formed in Spirit by Spirit..created as beloveds of the Great Beloved of All. We may forget at birth but the indwelling Spirit knows and longs to awaken.
Job 33:4-The spirit of God hath made me, and the breath of the Almighty hath given me life.
We are meant to Find and Know God; to Feel His Love..
Writing in this way is like a journal. It is a personal dialogue with the One that I sought as God, and longed to know as Love, Itself. I encourage the journey to all, in any kind of journal writing and candid encounter with the Heart. We don’t have to publish it! I enjoy design, searching for inspirational photos, editing and the process itself because it is creative but there are drawbacks to consider.
Is there a Crack in the Shell that Separates us from God…what is the Shell?
Personal honesty seems to be something that is challenged in degrees, and in greater and deeper leaps according to our willingness to face fear and our own need to control. Learning can be like peeling away layers of a bound self-but it is the way to the Door that allows humility. Only Humility and the ability to let go of our life learned defenses and countless manners of self protection that keep us in “control” begin to allow a “crack” in the Shell that separates us from God. The good news is that God is There – Loving, waiting, desiring to Pour In.
Philippians 2:3-11 – [Let] nothing [be done] through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.
I was a seeker; I roam the world…
In my life and work, I had the opportunity and the gift to travel all over the world and back again. I lived and worked overseas and experienced life in regions of crises and war. I had the privilege of meeting and living alongside people of many cultures and religions. Sometimes I feel like my heart is still planted like a very small blade of grass or resting on a small stone in each place that I have been as it longs to remain with the hearts of the people and communities that I have loved deeply.
I witnessed the face of love in the hearts of people in many different and far places and in the midst of dire and challenging circumstances that called for a supreme courage and personal strength. I was humbled by the contrast of what I formerly called “challenges” in my own life.
Then I am Found.
My real home was found in my Heart when I met the Presence of Christ Jesus in a most vivid, awesome, life altering way. Then, I found what eluded my grasp for all of my years of seeking. Then – He was wherever I was and more powerful than any circumstance or apparent challenge that I seemed to be facing. Time after time, I had only God to look to for safety, provision, direction and even hour to hour guidance “in the midst” of severely complex conditions. Life forced me….just like falling off of the side of a mountain to “hold on to God for all”. I remember telling a friend one day that I was “free-falling into the Arms of God!”
Now at 65, I am like a child..unlearning, uncovering and sitting with humility and awe at the experience of Grace in Christ. Nothing can describe the beauty of this new Love. He Calls so gently, we awaken to a miraculous Love.
The most recent calling that I hear in my heart comes from Sermons and Bible Study and is inspired by my mentors. One morning I was prompted with the words…
Pursue Relentless Love!
Since I began to pledge to that in ways that came up in my life there have been amazing lessons and many blessings. The meanings are Biblical and numerous. It is very near to my heart.
We need More Love
Perhaps all of us, everywhere need to examine how we love one another. We must begin to reconcile our Hearts both with our true Kingdom origins and to re-consider that we are the beloved Children of This God. Reversing the ego into its place as servant rather than master would allow us to question our social morals, material goals, personal ambitions and family values. What an altering intervention it is to learn that an invincible and Saving God exists!
My Prayer for us
I pray that from our suffering and from our complacency comes awakening to the Bold Experience of God’s Presence for each and all. His Kingdom is what everything is about. The miracle is that we can actually live in His Kingdom while we are alive on earth. Our lives can be transformed In Him.
Our Father who art in Heaven.. Hallowed be Thy Name..Thy Kingdom come..Thy will be done..on Earth as it is in Heaven..Give us this Day, our Daily Bread..and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into Temptation but Deliver us from Evil…For Thine is The Kingdom and The Power and The Glory, Forever..Amen
The topic of “Kingdom Living” is one most exciting to me and very trans-formative. I am the happiest that I have ever been in my life-because it comes from the “inside”-not conditional upon circumstances, relationships or the shifting tides that come with life.
Everything is impermanent, especially what I might desire, become attached to, wish to be “seen as” or love for or by…anything that believe might “complete my life or fill my cup”…is not really permanent but coming from the substance of my mortal self’s desire to be Known, Seen, Recognized and Valued. These are the opposite values of desiring God. God Fills your Heart and life and all needs so completely that all miraculously and Lovingly flows from the Inside Out instead of from the outside in which is the norm of our culture’s addictive desires. The Kingdom way of Living is eternal and Promised by God.
Galatians 4:4 NASB
…Now I say, as long as the heir is a child, he does not differ at all from a slave although he is owner of everything, 2 but he is under guardians and managers until the date set by the father. 3 So also we, while we were children, were held in bondage under the elemental things of the world. 4 But when the fullness of the time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under [e]the Law, 5 so that He might redeem those who were under [f]the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons. 6 Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” 7 Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir [g]through God.
Wishing you joy, a gentle heart and the Grace, peace and rest of Knowing Christ,
L. A. Willows