“Before” ~by Linda Willows

With rocks of mine carried
from shore
to new shore
My heart becomes heavy
and longs
for the “before”.

I feel stung heart roused
with aches
left before.
It haunts
with three knocks
at yesterday’s door.

Even word or
false prompt
on the path of my new
may repeal
firm better;
and slide back
to last view.

Yet this burn
is my poison,
enough to shatter glass.
Though in mission I only
Loved more,
than the Last.

God tender this place
that aches when I love.
Give it a space,
Perhaps far above.
Wash away angers’ sting;
Let it cleanse with Your Love.

The rocks must turn out,
And fall to the shore.
Heal me now Lord,
Free my Hearts’ Lore .
I would long to be again
Light and free, as Before.

©2012 Linda Willows

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12 thoughts on ““Before” ~by Linda Willows

  1. Some of the hardest yet greatest lessons are wrapped in uncertain change….. it is nice to stay where we feel we operate best, where we have grown accustomed to with love and peace…..I know some of the changes I have gone through, were met with such resistance from me, that I actually longed for my old pains back, ones that I prayed to be freed from, in order to have back the fond things I was certain of, and felt I had lost. These things, I remind myself, are oftentimes answers to our own prayers….and sometimes it is just the way of life, the beginning and end of things, and our struggle to adapt…..but when we come through them and look back,
    we find we were soldiers in training, now given the heart of a true warrior, and crowned ambassadors for a glory that far exceeds any momentary trouble here….
    Of course, you know this well, my friend, but it never hurts to hear truth again to reassure our minds and strengthen our fragile, mortal hearts…..
    Love to you, Linda…..I appreciate and respect all you do to spread love, peace and unity….may you carry on into yet deeper waters, and be refreshed with a new surge of life…..
    Celeste

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    1. your heart and reply are so thoughtful and kind, Celeste. I deeply appreciate your wisdom and compassion. I have noticed that wherever we “are” in our journey, we are always tested and challenged. It becomes something more “passing” than perhaps, before. The poem was triggered by a swift momentary thing, but I find writing to be so incredibly healing and also a form of pray and humility and self acceptance. Putting stones down is an act to celebrate. You are very wise about releasing pain and letting in God and love. Life, I believe has very much to do with Healing. My love and gratitude to you Celeste, Linda

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    1. Thank you for your comment Sammi. Though I do usually write inspirational posts, it is important to realize that I and all who follow a deep spiritual quest or not, do not and in my opinion it would not be healthy to ignore or deny “feeling” and our “perceptions” because as long as we are mortal, we experience them. To demote, shame or deny that they exist is not healthy and we then believe ourselves to be damaged in some way, or place a blame which eventually does affect our relationship with God directly.
      One’s worth, value and prior life experiences always affect in some way. But the healing and the journey that comes from this can bring the most glorious victories of all. From depth comes depth. It becomes your palette as an artist and as a person. Healing becomes your responsibility to yourself and to the Original Love which is your true Natue, your “Before”.

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  2. TD and I have been discussing this concept of ‘Before’, and clinging to the past even though it hurts so, that we hold onto it regardless of the way it makes us feel, that even if it hurts so much at least we ‘feel’, that to let go would, could, mean going numb, and that would be worse than the hurt (at least that is what we are taught). There is no lesson plan for love, there is mostly what we learn through popular music, and movies, from Cinderella to The Jagged Edge … We need to change what we learn, what we teach our children … Holding on to the hurt is just as bad as cutting, and perhaps even worse, because no one might see.
    And – Linda – I agree with your first reply – It is important that we write to the heart, it was the heart that drove us to find strength in Spirit, to learn that the world is lessons, and even as we ‘mature’ there are still those places – I’ll call them corners or the soul – where our greatest growth came from because they were so bewildering, so gut wrenching, so mysteriously beautiful, that we were driven forward in the wake of the wave of emotion. Truly emotion revealed IS the ocean made, we only learn to ride the wave by ‘wiping out’ (as The Beach Boys so aptly put it) and getting back on the board and searching for another hand of God …
    Blessings for you continued work in this world – Always – Peter

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    1. Thank you Peter, your words are so filled with wisdom , I love “corners of the soul”. They do drive us forward in the wake of the wake. I feel that. You have described it all so well….I love seeing it as the ocean. Thank you so much, Love, Linda

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  3. Linda, I love this…….for all the reasons that have been expressed here so well. And I believe there is something to be said for being restored to the innocence of before. But, another part of me truly believes that each of us is like a beautiful old quilt, stitched together by time and trials, and tears. The pieces are our experiences both good and bad, and regardless of their beauty (or their sorrow), they are ours, a part of the whole of us. Perhaps to the world, it just looks like an old worn out blanket, but hold it up. Hold it up to the light……and see what happens when the light pours through all the holes. Our beauty is forever returning us to more beauty, and while the ‘before’ was beautiful, the ‘now’ has been created from the beauty, the tears, and the wisdom that came ‘after’ the ‘before’. For me, I would not wish my path on another, and yet, it is a blessed path for it brought me here (and here is a WONDERFUL place). I love you, Linda. ~ Always, Bobbie

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    1. This is so beautifully put. I almost feel like excerpting it and putting it after the poem, which I am still constantly editing….I was emotional when writing and pushed publish hastily before the refining process. But I have to accept and weave that impetuous part of me in too. The bright side of that thread is my Dare…. Still, This comment, Bobbie reveals deep wisdom about Now. Yes, I do agree! I love your words and thoughts, thank you, Linda

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  4. Breathtakingly beautiful, and touching. As i grow younger, i find I always move forward closer to the new beginning. My daughters will be taking care of me like a child but with their love. The aches and pains i embrace, remind me of birthing pains, that comes abut when new life is being born.And as we change from our life in the flesh we will all be given new spiritual bodies as we pass and we will be blessed with new eyes to see and understand all the reasons why. I look back sometimes only to see how much His love has changed me and think that without His love where would i be, and i find that my journey is made sweeter by feeling life’s pains for he has promised their cessation in the joy of new life from our cell of decaying flesh. Your words are always a blessing, your heart always true, I find myself honored and always lifted by your images and words. The perfect healing is coming soon and we all dance and sing together with certain happiness and joy, and write new lifting songs and poems! Have a wonderful weekend!

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    1. Dearest Wendell, your words honor me for you share your deep and beautiful heart and soul. I too am facing some limitations and challenges but have no one to take care of me but God. I put all of my faith and future is God’s Grace. I never worry about the future, I feel so safe in God’s arms. I feel that we are each a gift to one another, we carry love both our own and that which we share in our Unity of Devotion. Thank you for your beautiful letter. Love, your sister, Linda

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  5. Linda, this is beautiful – your words touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. The responses here are incredible, filled with wisdom and so much insight. Let me just say that I feel this deeply, and am so grateful to you for your beautiful sharing. Thank you, dear friend. ~ Much love and gentle hugs, Julie xoxox

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